


I'm really not fine at all

by Bayerngirl19



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School, M/M, Songfic, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 23:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5224304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bayerngirl19/pseuds/Bayerngirl19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mats thinks about his break up with Benedikt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm really not fine at all

**Author's Note:**

  * For [orangina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangina/gifts).



> I was writing this fic anyway, but because it's someone's birthday this is for you Gina ;)
> 
> Age isn't specified, but I was thinking around the age of sixteen, but you can decide if you prefer them to be younger or older. :)

Mats drives by all the places, he used to hang out with Benedikt, getting wasted. Marco and Mario are there, kissing, still very much in love. Just like he, and Benedikt used to be. His thoughts going back to the last kiss they shared. Benedikt tasted of a mixture of himself and whisky, the perfect taste.

From time, to Mats would just beg Manuel, and ask him how Benedikt is doing. He always gives, Mats the same response. He's doing fine Mats, he's moved on, and found someone else. The words always break Mats' heart, but he always asks.

Mats thinks about Benedikt with this new guy, Julian apparently. He always wonders if Benedikt feels lonely, even with Julian right beside's him. Benedikt is a sensitive, and beautiful, and his heart breaks very easily.

Sometimes Mats would say something stupid, without thinking. In the end, he always made it up to him, by drawing a heart on his hand, writing mine forever inside of it.  He always wonders if Benedikt thinks about those words, Mats wrote him.

Mats often thinks, what he had with Benedikt, must have been a lie, or at least for Benedikt. To Mats everything felt real, he had even planned their future together. If what they had was real, how can Benedikt be fine?

"Because i'm not fine at all." Mats whispers, and bumps his head against his steering wheel, fresh tears running down his tan skin. A shiver runs through Mats' body, as he remembers the day Benedikt told him, the day he was leaving.

 _"Mats, i'm leaving." Benedikt blurted out all the worlds in one quick mouthful._ Mats remembers the trail of tears, running down that beautiful face. _"Where, and why."_  Were the only words, Mats managed to say. _"My parents are transferring out of town."_

 _"What the dreams, and wishes we made together."_  Benedikt bites his lip, and looks Mats dead in the eye. _"I'm going to have a better life Mats, I don't need them. Are you not happy for me?"_ How could Mats say no?

The memories of Benedikt, are painful. Despite them been together for so long, and being happy, or at least he thought so. Mats wishes he could wake up with amnesia, and forget every stupid little detail of them, ever being together.

The memories, Mats well never escape. Every little detail is a memory, like the way they'd make love to each other, and Mats would always fall asleep next to Benedikt, wrapped up in his protective limbs. Mats isn't fine at all.

Mats lifts his head from his steering wheel, and pulls out his phone. The photo's Benedikt sent him, are still living in his phone. Everything is there, the pictures of them together, Benedikt's nudes, even screen shots of beautiful texts.  Mats will admit to anyone who asks, that he likes to look at them, when he feels alone.

All of Mats' friends keep asking, why he's not around. Marco asks why he never spends anytime, with him and Mario anymore. Erik asks why they never go drinking together, like they used to. How can he go, those were the thing he enjoyed doing, with Benedikt.

Mats feels selfish sometimes, to be hurt that Benedikt's happy with someone, and that he's moved on. Why shouldn't he be happy, just because Mats is miserable. Manuel said his name in a convocation with friends the other day, it hurt to hear that beautiful name, when he hasn't seen him for so long.  

The painful memories of the day Benedikt told him, he was leaving, just won't go away. Everything from the tears running down Benedikt's face, and saying the dreams he's leaving behind, he didn't need them. Just like every single wish, they ever made.

The same feeling creeps back up on Mats. Why can't he just wake up with amnesia, he just wants to forget every stupid little thing. At least then, he'd drink less, and forget about all the painful memories, he never will escape.

If Mats had woke up this morning, with Benedikt wrapped safely in his arms. If all of this had been some twisted dream, Mats would Benedikt closer, than he ever has before, and press a hard kiss onto his soft lips. Mats would never let the precious human being, ever slip away.

Mats would press his lips against Benedik't ear, and let him, hear him say. "I remember the day you told me you were leaving, I remember the tears running down your face. And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them. Like every single wish we ever made. I wish that I could wake up with amnesia. And forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
And the memories I never can escape."

And Benedikt would just hold Mats even tighter, and whisper. "Shh, it was only just a dream, Mats. You know i'd never leave you."

Mats climbs out of his car, not giving a single fuck, if he's going to get a parking ticket. He walks over to where Marco and Mario, are laid together on the grass, holding hands. Not a single care in the world.

Marco pushes himself up once he seems Mats approaching them. "Mats, I haven't seen you in a while, and no offence man, but you look awful." Mario just nods in agreement. "I'm really not fine, at all." Mats whispers.

Marco hands Mats the bottle of whisky, he had Mario had been sharing. Mats takes a large swig, before laying down next to the happy couple. " No, I'm really not fine at all."

Mats sighs, and watches as Mario snuggles closer to his man, beaming just like Benedikt used to do, with Mats. "Marco?" He finds himself saying. The blonde turns to look at him. " Tell me this is just a dream."

Marco bites his lip, and shakes his head. "Sorry Mats, I can't." Mats takes another large swallow of whisky, his mind finally fogging over. "Cause I'm really not fine at all"

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fic about Mats for a while, to the Ed Sheerian song A-team. Maybe it could be some sort of sequel to this. What do you all think?


End file.
